In no particular order:

Get Eudora mail off the old computer
Buy license for StoryMill
Find (preferably cheap) graphics program for the Mac. That does not suck.
Install network card on old laptop.
Hook up the router.

updated 01/06/10

Books read in 2009

162 read last year...

( The books )
updated 01/06/10

So, I have my first physical therapy appointment today. I'm not looking forward to it, obviously, but it's more than that. I can't shake the feeling that it's not going to work. I'd love to be wrong, but I don't think I am. If it was just tendinitis, I think the anti-inflammatories would be doing more for it than they are. I think we wouldn't still see so much inflamation on the MRI and the x-rays. I think it wouldn't be locking up on me and hurting like HELL in 3D. I think maybe I'd be able to wash my hair or brush it or do other kinds of reaching things without it locking up or the pain getting so bad I have to stop whatever I'm doing.

And I'm kicking myself for not telling the ortho guy my doc sent me to, about the locking up, or the occasional inability to brush or dry my hair. Or the fact that sometimes it's impossible to write, and once I had to do it anyway to answer an essay question on a history test, and every fucking letter was torture.

I'm mentioning it to the PT, that's for sure, but I feel stupid for not telling the doctor. Usually I write stuff down, especially when I'm seeing a new doc, but it was finals week, the day of my history final, and I was just... not at my best, let's put it that way.

I just think, from everything I've read, that that kind of weakness and especially the locking up, is a sign of an injury, not tendinitis. I'm afraid it's gonna make a huge difference in diagnosing what's wrong with it, and I fucked up. I don't see the doctor for 6 weeks or so, though it may be sooner if this really doesn't work.

I have these nightmare visions of my arm swelling up like a party balloon, you know? And, not so incidentally, hurting like hell.

Speaking of which, the shoulder would like its morning dose of painkillers, NOW. I need to jump in the shower anyway, and get ready to go. The hot water usually helps. Except it'll lock up at least once... maybe again when I'm trying to hold up the blow dryer...

If I have to ask Mom to help me dry my freaking hair, I will cry.

Gah. Like I was just telling ashkitty, I'm not in a good headspace lately. Am also in pain, which makes me bitchy. My shoulder's been killing me all day, and a little after I took something for that, I started to get a migraine. Which has proceeded to get worse and worse all freaking day. So I took the other half of the pain pill I took earlier. The doc didn't give me anything but anti-inflmmatories (semi-useless) for my shoulder, so I've been popping left over pain meds from my kidney stone adventures. Which I am just about out of now.

So. Called the doc's office today and talked to one of the nurses who knows me, about asking the NP for some real pain meds. NP is out today, naturally, but she said she'd talk to the MD. She said she should get back to me this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest, but with it being the first Monday after a holiday weekend... Mom's stopping at the pharmacy we use on her way home anyway, so I'm hoping the doc's office had time to call something in, but either didn't have time to call me back yet, or the pharmacy told them I have refills there, so one of us will be in today anyway... This is probably a far-fetched hope, but I'm hanging onto it, coasting along on my second-to-last Vicodin.

Please, gods, please, let there be something. I can put up with a lot, but this pain is just wearing me down. I'm not even the same person when I hurt this much. I also can't get much of anything done.

I keep wanting to- intending to- go on YIM, which is where I think my pals like leviathanmuse, g_shadowslayer, and irreparable hang out. And then I realize that I'm exhausted, and I just hurt too damned much, and that after not chatting with my friends for a while, dumping "evil, pain-suffering, bitchy urbandruid" on them is not fair. Or nice.

Would you guys mind stoned druid, though? 'Cause I think that's what we're looking at for a while here.

This year has just been insane, and just when it seems like things might calm down, something else crops up. Either I'm having medical issues, or someone else in the family is, or there's other stress-y stuff going on, and I just... Gah. I need a break.

Between the days I don't have classes and the holiday, I had a week straight off of school. It was great. And I'm dreading going back. More than the usual complaints I make all the time about not wanting to go back, I'm... worried about going back. Because school = more stress. As always. And this shit with my shoulder is wearing on me mentally. I'm starting to wonder how much more of this I can take.

Then I break down and sob for a while, and after a bit I feel slightly more able to cope with things.

I've thought about calling my shrink, but honestly, what's she gonna tell me? I'm stressed and that's making my depression worse, I'm hurting a lot and that isn't helping the depression or my mood in general? I'm worrying about everything, even stuff that isn't actually mine, because this is what I do? She can't tell me anything I don't already know. Plus, I haven't seen her in at least a year; updating her on everything would take a couple sessions, and right now I don't have time in my schedule for that.

And these may or may not all be excuses for not going in to see her, but... I probably will call her if I end up needing surgery for my shoulder, because that one, I'm gonna need some help coping with.

Oh yeah, and I have homework. World War II map assignment for history that's due tomorrow, and possibly a test in my psych class. Should probably check my syllabus re: the exam and see. Not that I'm worried about it. We've been covering the psych disorders this unit. *yawn*

Oh, HP fandom, I've been totally ignoring you forever, and you're still carrying on just the same. Isn't it lovely to know that some things never change?

/sarcasm

Normally I probably wouldn't even mention this, but I just got up from a nap, I'm in a weird mood, saw this, and thought, "WTF?"

I was going to try and explain the whole thing, but I'll just link to the fandom_wank post, it's easier: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1227910.htm

And then we have the OP's follow-upish thingy here. It's a lot shorter than the original posts, and I think it illustrates well the reasons I want to tear my hair out and hit my head on my desk repeatedly, because this woman is a MORON.

I'm not even gonna get into the whole Lily/Snape vs Lily/James thing. Nope. What's really driving me nuts about this is that the OP seems to think not liking Lily = misogyny.

ARGH! That does not mean what you think it means, OP.

Unless, you know, she's really into this whole Lily = Eve thing she's got going, and since Lily is The Original Woman Who Represents All Women, disliking her means you hate all women.

Seriously, people? Seriously?

If I wasn't used to this kind of nonsense from HP fandom this would be pissing me off a whole lot more, but it's still the stupidest thing I've heard in a while.

And I felt you all needed to know that. :)

Well, today's going to be fun, in the sense of not really.

So my doc thought I just had really bad tendinitis in my right shoulder. Turns out... maybe not. I got one shot back in October, in a place I don't really wanna talk about, which seemed to do wonders for a while there. Then the swelling and the pain started creeping back up... and this is with prescription-strength anti-inflammatory drugs twice a day. So I went back to the doc in early November. Got another shot, which didn't seem to do nearly as much for me as the last one did... and got scheduled for an MRI.

Which I tried to do last week. Only, it turns out? I'm not just slightly claustrophobic, I'm really claustrophobic. So I'm going back today, they're giving me some kind of conscious sedation (I'd prefer unconscious, actually...) and we're gonna try again.

They said I could take my pills in the morning with small sips of water, but what I really need to take my pills (anti-inflammatories included) is food. Which I can't have for six hours before my appointment.

No food, no pills, nothing to drink- and I'm not really all that hungry, but I'm really thirsty. Bringing a bottle of water to have when I get out of there, but it's sure no fun right now.

Oh yeah, and I'm 1.) still scared to death of the MRI machine of doom, and 2.) even more scared that my doc's right, I've torn my rotator cuff, and I might need surgery to fix it.

If I never need another surgery in my LIFE it will be too soon.

So I'm on Twitter now, mostly because all of my friends are.

http://twitter.com/aurordark

Follow me. I'm lonely. I've added the people I know that I could find- oh, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Still alive. Ish. Have an exam in my psych class which I didn't much study for, and am not overly concerned about. I could teach this class. Except I wouldn't, because it's boring and simplistic. I keep telling myself I'm here so the fuckers don't make me take health.

I am exhausted and stressed and tired, none of which is a.) new or b.) likely to change any time soon.

Also have an appointment with my asthma clinic today. No clue which of the docs I'll be seeing, because they never tell me that. And when they do tell me, half the time that doc isn't working that day after all. I was supposed to be recording my peak flows for a month, but the last month has been HELL in 3D, so I've done a week's worth. And they had better not get on my case about it either, because I'm this close to going postal on them already. They've been jerking me around since this summer, and either it stops or I fire them.

Mood I'm in lately, they really want to NOT piss me off.

Hi guys.

Some of you know my grandpa's been having heart problems for a while. Not sure if I mentioned he was getting a pacemaker or not. Originally his surgery was scheduled for next week, but the doc saw some stuff happening he didn't like, so Grandpa went in today.

It was supposed to be an out-patient thing, but they couldn't put it quite where they wanted to, so the hospital's keeping him at least overnight to make sure he's okay. Mom and I are heading out to go see him in a bit, not sure when we'll be back.

Updates when I can.

Lemmie see here... did yesterday suck as much as I think it did? Um, yeah.

Mom and I went out to do a few things; we figured we'd be back in a couple of hours. Yeah. Right.

As we were pulling into a spot at the post office parking lot, a kid in the car next to us opened her door. Into Mom's driver's side window. Which broke. Well, shattered, really. Also sliced a BIG dent/cut into Mom's door right by the handle, jamming it closed. She had to climb out over the console and go out my door, and we have bucket seats.

Everybody's okay, us and the other people, just very shaken up, but the car wasn't drivable. We thought it would be easiest to have it towed, get a rental, and go on with our day. Hah! Insurance company gave us the rounaround, sent the car to a place that isn't open Saturdays, so that now we think our car is at the tow company's yard.

I called my uncle and had him pick us up. He was going to just take us home, but since he and my aunt have another car, he offered to let us borrow his pickup until we could get a rental.

So the upshot is, we have my uncle's little pickup, Mom's going to call and, er, straighten a few things out tomorrow, by which I mean heads will roll at AAA, and we ain't paying those tow fees, no freaking way.

Yeah. We're better now, but yesterday was not good. Mom was really upset, I wasn't much better. My aunt and uncle were great though- they're packing up their house to move halfway across the state, and my uncle dropped everything to come get us.

We're heading out in a bit to have dinner with them and some of their friends, then going to finish our last errand from yesterday- buying soda at Target.

Happy birthday, irreparable!

So. September 11th. Yeah. Moving on.

I've had an interesting week. Two tests, one in each class (thank GODS they were on different days, though like a dork I misread my syllabus and thought BOTH were Tuesday *headdesk*)

I'm mostly recovered from my cold, though I'm still coughing.

My aunt and uncle are moving. Out of town. In the next couple of weeks.

My grandfather is getting a pacemaker. In the next couple of weeks. (Aunt & Uncle will be gone by then, though.)

Next Friday I have to see my guidance counselor at school about appealing my financial aid denial, so they can pay me for the measly two semesters I figure I have left to go at City. Argh, argh, argh! Even if I DO get it back, they've screwed me for work study for this year- all the good jobs will be taken already. And ALL the good campus jobs are work study. *headdesk*

I go back to the allergy & asthma clinic of doom in a couple weeks, when I'm going to have a lovely chat with whatever doctor deigns to see me, about what the hell is wrong with me and what they're gonna do about it.

And I have to go out to dinner with my family now.

People I talked to on Saturday night (um, I think it was Saturday night) will remember I said I might be sick, or might be coming down with something. Gotta amend that. I am sick, and it sucks big time. I could not get to sleep last night, kept waking myself up feeling like I was gonna cough my lungs up. Tonight I think I'll dig out the codeine cough syrup my doc gave me last year for the bronchitis of doom, see if I can't clear up this crap before it turns into something even scarier.

It's gonna be 97 today. 97! I know, I know, it's better than the 101s we were hitting last week, but I still have to be out in it, in the heat, hacking and coughing my way around campus and to the bus stop.

Anyway, if I'm quieter than usual (would we notice?) this would be why.

Uuugh, I wanna go back to bed.

I'm still alive. No, really. It's just that I keep getting sick, or getting killer migraines, or- well, you get the idea.

Plus, I now have a week *sob* before I start back to classes, and I have a ton of stuff to do. I don't really want to do any of it, but that probably goes without saying.

It's the trip from hell. I will be so frakking glad to get home it's not even funny. Grandma's driving us crazy, Grandpa is... oy. Too much to say, not enough time to say it. We're not supposed to check out until 11:00, but Grandma's rushing us around like we've gotta leave NOW, Grandpa keeps taking stuff that's not ready to go, out to the car, and....yeah, I gotta go.

Shoot me.

I'm leaving in an hour(!) to go out of town for a few days. My crazy family decided this would be a good idea, on, uh, Tuesday? But it took us until Thursday to decide a.) where we were going and b.) where we were gonna stay when we get there. I mostly blame Grandma for this, 'cause Mom and I would've had it figured out by Wednesday. So we've all been crazy and running around in circles waving our arms and screaming. But that's life in my family. :)

Anyway. I'll try and update later. Might even have pics if we do anything interesting today besides drive.

I have a ton of stuff to get done/pack/finish up/etc, but I'm SO glad to be getting out of here for a bit. 10 days straight of 100+ temps, and it's not going to get any cooler this weekend. Nice time to go to the coast, I think.

PS: I think the cat's gonna hate us...

Can I just say that I hate everyone who's going to San Diego Comic Con? Seriously. You all suck and I'm never speaking to you again.

Honestly, I'm insanely jealous, but if any of you are going, have a blast!

Still with the hate, though.

Moving on. I finished season 4.0 of BSG yesterday. I didn't expect to get through it this fast, but they kept sticking "to be continued" at the end of eps, and I don't have anything else to do, so I just kept thinking "one more ep..."

And the last half of the season's not out on DVD until the 28th! ARGH!

I know, I know, it's nothing to the huge 'midseason' wait everyone had who was actually caught up with the show and watching it as it aired, but still, this is insanely frustrating. I want- need -to know what happens. How we get from where we are now to the spoilers I was unfortunate enough to come across.

18 days. I'm seriously hoping that Harry Potter next weekend will distract me for a bit, 'cause I've gotten used to watching my BSG every day, and now I'm kind of lost. Watching extras and listening to episode commentary, which completely rocks, but it's not the same. I miss the sensation of moving forward, watching things unfold.

I could watch other stuff, but I'm in such a BSG frame of mind lately. Buffy's just not gonna cut it for a while, I need something else this good, and I don't think I have anything like that. So episode commentary it is. Plus probably a dozen or so reviewings of the eps I liked.

And fast-forward through some of the stuff that drove me nuts, like the Sam/Kara/Lee/Dee crap. I can see kinda what they were trying to do with that, but it just didn't... argh. The only one of them I really felt any sympathy for was Dee, and even she was a moron. I could almost feel sorry for Sam, too, but... nope. And the other two... oy.

And I was gonna ramble more about eps, but it's too fucking hot in here. Later...

In a word? Argh!

I'm not sleeping much lately. Went to bed around 4:00 or 5:00 this morning, and woke up around 9:30. And that's actually more sleep than I got the night before, or the night before that. It's really too bright in my room to sleep in the mornings, so if I wake up I usually stay awake. That's not new, but I'm going to strangle the 'new' neighbors. They've been here for a while, but I'm starting to think that the place next door has some Curse of Annoyance on it, because everyone who's ever lived there has driven us nuts.

They are getting better, though. The first people who lived there had loud fights and louder make up sex, both with the windows open. *facepalm*

We had various members of that family for a while- some kind of divorce/breakup, I think. Don't miss them- they also had bratty kids they never kept an eye on, and had this habit of slamming the side door to their garage so hard it rattled stuff on my desk (and not so incidentally scaring the CRAP out of me.)

The current renters? Fireworks. Little and not so little crackles and booms, on and off for the past week. I woke up this morning, and it's trash day, so at first I wasn't really annoyed. Then I realized that the garbage trucks don't make crackle/pop/BOOM noises.

The neighbors do. Middle of the day, middle of the night, whenever. And I know, tomorrow's the 4th and everybody always gets a little crazy around here with that this week. But seriously, people? Waking me up?

Just don't steal my fucking lightbulbs like the last morons did.

eta: Oh for fuck's sake! The idiots are fighting. I can hear them over my iPod. *facepalm*

I'm starting to remember why I don't take naps in the middle of the day. I woke up shaky- maybe because the phone rang and scared the crap out of me (stupid telemarketers) and my head's full of images from weird dreams. I think I was in a better headspace before I took the nap, except that I was exhausted. Staying up till 3:00AM and then waking up around 9 will do that, which is why I went back to bed. Tried staying up, as I was unfortunately pretty awake, but then I started to get tired again, so I thought, screw it, I'm going back to bed.

I don't know, really. I'll be glad to get this over with, but I'm not really in the mood to go to the doc's. Tired, grumpy... I'll probably feel better if I eat something, since I just realized I haven't yet today, but honestly, right now it's jut too freaking much. This had better go smoothly, and they'd better not jerk me around again, I swear. Mood I'm in right now, I'd slap that stupid twit at the front desk across the face. This is not, in fact, a good idea, despite how much it appeals to me.

I just keep telling myself it'll be fine, the doc I'm supposed to see will be there, we'll get somewhere with this... but if that doesn't happen... *sigh* No more Ms. Nice Patient, you know? Because if being nice and polite and "yes, doctor" doesn't get me anyplace, then it's time for "I really am as old as that chart says I am, and I have really seen that many doctors for that many medical conditions. And we're done playing around now."

Assertive!Patient mode is sometimes necessary, that's all. And no slapping stupid fuckwit receptionists, no matter how much they deserve it.

I'm in a weird mood today. I go back to the allergist's tomorrow, and even though I'm not looking forward to it, part of me wishes it was today, on the general principal of "let's get it the hell over with." Last time I was supposed to see their food allergy guy, who wasn't there even though he was scheduled to work that day... Argh, it's just too much to explain over again. Here's the backstory.

So far the upshot seems to be that nobody else wants to run the food allergy skin tests, that they want this other guy to do it. Which is fine, if he's there. And I know it was only one appointment he wasn't there for, and that he could very well have a good reason for it, family emergency or whatever. But as first impressions go, being "the guy who didn't show up" kind of sucks. I'm starting to lose my patience with these people, and I swear, if that guy isn't there again tomorrow...

Somebody needs to run the tests. Somebody needs to diagnose me with something. Do I have asthma, food allergies, both? I'm sure it's very interesting academically, but I've already more that met my quota of sitting around in doctors' offices, waiting for them to figure out what the hell is wrong with me this time.

I'll take so much, and then I won't take anymore. I'm rapidly approaching that point. Something will get done tomorrow. If I have to take the gloves off a bit, then that's what I'm going to do. Because I've really, really had it.

Anyway, tonight I'm getting my hair cut, and it's so fucking hot, I'm thinking of just having her French braid it when she's done and leaving it in until after I see the doc tomorrow. Last time I had my hair in a ponytail, and it was really hard to keep it totally off my back while they were having fun with patch testing. Plus, again, it's hot.

I'd really rather not go out at all, but I do need the haircut, so...